Hey guys!!!

Don’t forget that the JoBro’s new album “A Little Bit Longer” is coming out August 12th!!  Its featuring 12 new songs from the guys and if you pre-order it, you will be entered in the drawing for a Gold Plaque when the CD goes GOLD!!!  WHOOOHOO!!!  Click the below banner to pre-order

Click on it... sorry that is small!!!!

Ok… so I know I wrote this morning, but I’ve got to write these thoughts in my head down!!!

I like this guy.  Not a bad thing, but here’s the kicker… he’s 17.  I’m turning 21 on Friday.  I’m going crazy.  Its not a bad thing, its legal and all but I can’t get over the fact that he’s a senior in High School and I should be a senior in College.  I know I’m crazy, but there’s seriously times when I feel like he likes me.  He is constintely making fun of me and what not… We hung out Sunday at a pool party and well, I don’t know… I’m probably just being stupid.  He can’t possibly like me.  I’m not pretty and I’m not his age.  We are going to the beach this Sunday and I’m looking forward to some time with him and some of the other people at Chick-Fil-A.  I hope I don’t take this and turn it into something its not.  I just want to start out as friends, so I’m distancing myself from him.  A little bit… ok, not that much .  He’s a great guy… a really great guy…

So yea… I talked to this guy from Yellowpages.com about my listing for entertainment.  He wanted to talk to me about different ways to promote my music and what not… I’m so very excited.  I wrote some songs in the past day or so that I feel could be some hits!!!  I’m so looking forward to see whats going to happen with this solo artist thing!!!

Alright… its been awhile since I’ve written.  Sorry about that, I guess I’ve been to busy to blog lately.  I’m still writing songs and trying to perfect them so that I can record a hit single.  I’m still looking for that guy to  be my harmony… haha… I like that saying, “I want you to be the harmony to my melody”  I’m sure someone has said it before me, but its so true for my life!!!  Haha… well, I’m doing Preschool music at our Vacation Bible School this week, and the kids are so cute!!!  I love it!!!  I’m also getting ready to turn 21!!!  Can you believe it!!!  Not me!  I’m so not ready to grow up right now!  I’m not ready to be 21!!  I feel like I’m running out of time to do things (which I’m not).  But I feel like I am!!!  Haha… its all good tho!!

Well, I’ve got to grab some breakfast before I leave, so just a little catch up blog!!!   I hope to write more later!!!

So, my “music” career is up and running!!!  I have a manager/backup/song writer that is one of my favorite people, I have an amazing tech guy who is still in High School and probably doesn’t realize that I plan on using him for my sound… not only do I have these two amazing people, I have a lot of peoples support.  Thank you to all who have checked out my music site and have been honest with me… I truly appreciate any kind of feedback…

I guess I’m just trying to figure out how I’m going to excel at this music thing.  I want so badly to do well and to succeed  in the world with my music, but I want to honor God with it as well.  I love music and I need it it survive!! Haha, I’m sort of kidding!!!  But in all seriousness I believe that God has given me this talent and I need to use it for him!!

Well, if anyone hears about any shows in the Delaware Valley area, please let me know!!!  I need to start performing live and getting myself out there for others to hear!!!  Thanks again my friends!!!

So, I’ve tried to kick start my music career… I’ve gotten a myspace music page!!!  But the problem is, I can’t actually record music on it, I can only put my videos I make on my camera and the sound isn’t as good as I want it to be.  Maybe I have a weird perception of how my voice actually sounds.  Maybe I have a screwed up vision of where I want to be.  Maybe I don’t really have a future in this whole music business thing after all.

I guess, I’m just still trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do with my life.  I can’t seem to hear anything.  I can’t seem to see the reason behind certain things.  This past week was crazy and yet, I wasn’t really happy.  I had a great night at work last night.  It went by so fast and I really felt like I got along with several of the people there.  I know I’m not going to do this for the rest of my life, but for now, its all good.  I’ve been looking into a career in the military.  (Here’s the moment you fall off your chair laughing)  But I  mean seriously.  All night last night, men were coming in with military id’s and today in church we honored the men who have served and are serving in our military.  Not to mention, I spent the whole day on Friday at the Naval Academy.  It was like God was pointing something out to me!!! Haha… I don’t really know where God was going with it tho!!  I guess I should just keep praying.

James comes home on Saturday from Nigeria.  I’m really excited to here about what happened there and the amazing things God has done.  I think I might go to Nigeria in November.  That is definitly something I want to do.

There’s so much going on in my family that I keep finding out about.  And not just in my immediate family either.  We just need prayer I guess.  I wish I had the courage to be more of a light to my family.

Well, another random post, but I’m heading to a Blue Rocks game tonight, going to go see some fireworks!!!

God Bless!!!

Ok so I have to go to work in like fifteen minutes… give or take a couple, but I wanted to write down what I was feeling today.

I guess its been a very crazy week… You see, I worked 11-5 on Monday, 11-8 on Tuesday, I had the last youth group of the year on Wednesday, I had to go with my third grade afterschool choir this afternoon to the blue rocks game and I have to work 5:30-10 tonight and then tomorrow I have to get up uber early to go to the Naval Academy graduation all day. And then Saturday I work 4-10. Its getting really stressful because I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life. I decided to come back to youth group next year as their intern again.

I guess I’m just discouraged today. I’ve made a music myspace, so if your interested, you can check it out!!!!

myspace.com/bethann687

Much Love!!!

Well, here I am again… its ten thirty pm on Monday May, 20th and I can’t seem to sleep.  I’m sitting in the quite of my room, pondering my existence.  Yes, I ponder… I like pondering.  I had to work today… it wasn’t half bad, but I don’t know.  I’m definitly not happy there, I like the people and what they stand for, but I’m not feeling it.  I don’t know, I guess I have an issue with jobs, I can’t seem to find the right one.  I know God has a better plan for me, but I can’t seem to find it.  I know that I’m supposed to do something ministry wise, and yet, I can’t find where.  It’s quite a dilema.  I’m totally trusting that God will make something known to me, or at least give me a few options. 

I guess I’m here, waiting for an answer.  I’m here waiting for a task to do… I should probably clean my room!!!   Have you ever been so restless that you can’t seem to find joy in the small things?  That you can’t seem to feel happiness in the happiest places?  That you see that everyone else is happy and envy their very existence?  Have you ever wanted something so bad, that you can’t seem to get it off your mind?  I guess I’m in that place tonight.  I’m praying for a new existence, for a new thing to live for.  I’m looking up, I’m trying to find the light in this darkness called home.  I’m trying to look at new things from new perspectives.  I’m wasting my life here, trying to change who I am.  I’m wasting my time, trying to become something I just can’t be.  I can change the color of my hair, put some make up on, but deep down inside… deep down where there isn’t any light, I’m so ugly.  The ugliness shows on my face.  The pain cuts deep into my mind and holds me captive in the deepest places.  Its like the devil is sitting on my chest telling me to say something.  To say anything… then maybe I’ll be saved.  But the air is being squeezed out of me and I can’t catch my breath. 

 

“Say Anything… just SAY IT!!!”

He screams at  me, I smile and whisper…

“I already have”

 

 

You.

By: Amena J. Brown

You find me when I’m hiding behind all my disguises/You see me/It takes you to keep

me breathing/You are heart/Passion/Vision/Word Incision/You send me and you bring

me close/Close close closer/Until when you look at me you see you/You are

heavenly/My present and future destiny/You are Father/Creator/Sustainer/Life

changer/Pride breaker/You are yesterday today and forever/You are pleasure/You are

worth/Reason/Present in every season/You are worship/Devotion/You are the reason for

all my commotion/You are the one that I pray to/You can tell that I’m nothing without

you/So awesome that I can pray to you about you/To know you/To sense you/To believe

you more/To love you more/To obey you more/To give you more of my heart

Oh God search me/Know me/See me/Examine me/Test me/Love me/ Watch me/Protect

me/ Show me/ Investigate me/ Be pleased with me/Question me/ Keep me/ Change me/

Have me/ Correct me/ Take me/ Help me/ Create in me/ Break in on me/ Be my reality/

Sustain me/ Decrease me/ Decrease me/ Decrease me/Decrease me/ Until there is no me

left/ Only you/ Only you/ Only you

You are light/ Are true/ Are you/ Are hope/ Are love/ Are strength/ Are escape rescue

safe/ You are peace/ You are belief/ You are advance and retreat/ Of what, to what, to

whom can I compare you?/ You are my all things new/ You are my place of refuge/ You

are my fortress/ My rest/ My creativity in the strength of your words to me/ You are my

ability to see hear feel move live breathe be/ You are life and death all at the same time/

You are friend/ You are believer savior redeemer/ You are today tomorrow and the next

day/ And the next day and the next day and the next day/ You are truth/You transcend old

age and youth/ You are timeless/ priceless/ lightness in darkness/ greatness/ goodness/

sinless/ And in a mess like my life you see righteousness/ You leave me speechless/ You

alone are God

2002 Amena J. Brown. All rights reserved.

I saw this poem (yea, saw the poem) on youtube.com.  It was spoken by I believe the poet herself and the magnanimity  of it all left me speechless.  It was like a poem spoken to my very being.  It was like the words in my mind, where coming out of this poets mouth.  It was unbelievable. 

I wish I could tell you things have gotten better, you know, with me getting this new job and all.  My problem is this, I can’t stand where I’m at.  I’m restless again, I can’t seem to stay in one position, I’m tired of doing nothing, and yet, I can’t seem to figure out something to do.  What am I missing in life?  What does God have planned for me? 

I think I decided to stay at RLEFC’s youth group.  I feel that I’ve made too many “friendships” with some of these kids… I don’t want to lose that connection with them and I want to see all of them come to a closer walk with God.  I somehow feel that God has given me a gift of love for the youth and he’s put me in this place so that He can be shown.  I could also be justifying the fact that I don’t really know what else to do. 

I’ve been told by several people that I have a natural gift at speaking to the kids.  That the kids seem to look up to me and listen to me.  I hate ringing my own bell, but maybe that was Gods way of telling me that he wants me here?  Or maybe I’m justifying my own selfrighteous attitude.  I wish I had a simple answer…

I’m in the middle of watching this horrible movie.  Its called “Thirteen”… its about teenagers and trying to find their way in the world.  They get mixed up with drugs, sex, alcohol, and their families are seperated or gone.   The girls go through friendships like water.  It makes me so sad to see this happening.  I mean, I know its just a movie, but you know its happening around me.  You know there are kids who try and fit in in anyway they can.  The main girl is cutting herself to try and get rid of the pain.  It breaks my heart.  I mean, what can I do?  What can I possibly do?

I guess I’m re thinking my decision about leaving the youth group at the end of the year.  I mean, I see so much pain in some of these girls.  I want to help girls who are going through depression and trying to fit in.  I mean, I tried as well, not as much as these girls are doing, but I mean, I know the pain of being rejected.  I hate knowing that there are girls out there dealing with this crap!!!

The pain I see in these girls, I mean seriously brings me to tears.  This shouldn’t be happening.  It shouldn’t be like this.  I mean, come one!!!  Where are the people in High Schools?  There’s younglife, yea… but why aren’t we doing more?!?!?  Why aren’t we helping these girls… why aren’t we doing something to change the tide on their futures… I hate that it ends with out an ending.  This movie doesn’t have an ending.  I want to write that ending.

I want that ending to go a little something like this:

Main girl goes to the school counselor who turns her over to a pro-bono counselor who turns her to a local youth group for troubled inner city kids.  Thats when I come in.  Thats when I come in.  I show her whats waiting for her.  I show her that through her pain, amazing blessings await her.  That behind every dark cloud, a beautiful sunrise is awaiting for her.  I show her that through Jesus’ pain, We are saved from eternal damnation in hell.  I mean, is it that hard?  I know its not going to be easy… I know that I’m going to find problems.  I know its not going to be easy… at all.

Oh God… what are you trying to tell me?!?!  What do you want me to do?  Please Lord, help our younger generation grow in a saving knowledge of you.  We know we need  you!!!  I know I need you… help me know where to start… Oh God… God of mercy and God who saves even me.  Please show me the way, the will, and the wisdom of you.

Salvation:

It doesn’t take long,

For the feeling of true happiness to settle in.

It doesn’t take long,

For it to disappear.

It isn’t like I want it to,

It isn’t like I chase it away.

It’s just gone,

It just flies away.

I want to blame it on you.

I want you to make it all better,

But you can’t

You don’t even try.

This world is full of anger,

Full of evil.

I get caught up in it,

In the tears and pain.

Artificial colors,

Fake bodies,

Frowns and smiles.

Contort my vision.

I can’t see past the faded and bruised,

Past the jaded and confused.

Celebrities are like gods,

And God like dirt.

Who can I turn to?

How can I make this work?

Tom Cruise seems to have an answer,

But I found one better.

There was once a man,

Who was killed for me and you.

This man was a king,

Who became a servant too.

He left this earth in glory,

And soon he’s coming back.

And I have to worry,

I pray you will be ready.

You see, God reigns on high,

And Jesus is in my heart.

I wanted to share this with you ,

So you knew the truth.

Jesus died for me,

And he died for you.

He care to much

To watch you waste your life.

You may laugh, you may cry,

You may be angry and punch me in the eye.

But the message is still the same

So I won’t complain.

I just pray for you souls,

And I love you all.

No matter what,

He’s still there.

So repent,

Change your life.

Follow him,

Come into the light.

Eternal life has got to be better,

Then eternal damnation in hell.

Fire and brimstone, not good company

Light and Glory, bring pure happiness.

You probably thing in weird,

You probably find me crazy

But I’m a radical follower of Jesus Christ

It’s in my job description.

Thank you for listening,

Thank you for you time.

Please take these words to heart,

If you need some proof, let me help you out.

Try John 3:16

Or Romans 6:23

It’s all the same,

But try the Bible for a change

I wrote that poem when I was going through a time when I knew I was saved, but I wasn’t living my life to glorify God. I was lost and confused and I was looking towards things that had no precedence on my life at all. I was watching the celebrities on the TV and comparing myself to them. I was looking for satisfaction in a relationship. I was blindly following my own gods that I had made. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m still guilty of having guilty pleasures. Watching CSI instead of doing devotions, finding that one guy that I like instead of looking towards God to fulfill my dreams… and that’s just the start of it all. I’m not perfect and I’m not expecting you to be either, but this is our issue. We are all sinners. It spans all the way back to Adam and Eve… that’s not a new revelation for you all. But this is. When Jesus Christ came down to earth as a baby, he lived his life as an example for us.

Philippians2:6-11

Who, being in very nature^[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature^[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

This is basically saying that he became a servant. He took his life that he had in Heaven with God and traded it to be on earth with the rest of us. He died. Truly died for us… a horrible death. But you know that right? Well, this is what Peter tells us.

1 Peter 4:1-6

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit.

So what does this mean for us? We need to stop living in the disgustingness of our sin. We need to have a grasp on what is really going on when we sin. We need to not do what the rest of the world is doing. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, the Holy Spirit comes and fills us with a sense of what is right and what is wrong and he gives us this little thing inside us telling us that we are doing something wrong.

THERE SHOULD BE A MAJOR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOMEONE WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT AND THOSE WITHOUT THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!!

We should be different then the non- Christians. People should see our live and wonder why we are different. Our lives should be the thing that brings Jesus into the world. We need to be the example.

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it

We need to knock down Satan and his schemes against us. He wants us to fail… he tries to get us to fall. But God has provided a way out so that we can deal with the temptation that is thrown at us.

1 Peter 5:8-9

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

We are all in this together. We need to make God our “everything”. We need to let him know that he is, according to Encarta Dictionary: something all-important. That God is somebody that is the most important person there is. That’s what everything means.

We need to make this verse something we pray everyday:

Isaiah 26:8 Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

Let’s make his name the desire of our hearts. Let’s follow God with everything we have.

Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”